There is a solution center on my computer that pops up to offer solutions to problems that occur with the computer. More often than not, the solutions center doesn’t have any solutions. Nevertheless, it is always fascinating to me that the Microsoft inventors came up with this tool. And it reminds me of just how solutions focused we are as a society.
We start inculcating this focus from a small age. We are challenged to discover the solution to the problem of 2 plus 2. And indeed there is and it is helpful and empowering to know that answer. Throughout our lives we search for solutions to problems: Our development can be charted by observing the solutions that we come up with.
And of course, people come into psychotherapy seeking solutions. A person contending with a pernicious addiction causing havoc in his life seeks a real solution to his troubling and difficult to control compulsive behavior. Someone mired in an unsatisfactory and stifling relationship seeks a solution. There are even branches of contemporary psychotherapy practice that are called “solution focused.” Such approaches do what their name suggests: focus on the solutions and don’t tend to pay much attention to the problems and their origins.
And while all psychotherapy holds the value and importance of solutions, I believe is that there is value in not rushing so quickly after solutions. Spending some time living with the problems, understanding them, may best help in deriving needed and lasting solutions.
What we often find in psychotherapy that it is the solutions that people have devised for themselves that cause more problems than the original problems. Isolation may be a “solution” that a person with a troubling past has devised in order to prevent difficult feelings and experiences that arise when dealing with others. Acting out by having an affair may be a “solution” that someone came up with in order to deal with problems in a marriage. Addiction may be someone’s solution to troubling feelings; by distracting himself through his addictive behavior, by numbing himself, he doesn’t have to feel what is so troubling.
So often in my practice, my clients and I have to take a closer look at the “solutions” they have developed, often over a very long time. Sometimes we find that these solutions persist well after the problem has in fact ceased. When people carry some of their “solutions” from childhood into their adulthood, they are often acting as if that original problem (say neglectful parents or overly stern caregivers) still exists.
Sometimes, I find, it is best to stay with the problem for a while and be less solution focused. In this way a client can come to better understand the problem and see what solutions are really called for. Of course, this type of work is difficult and can often be quite uncomfortable. We seek solutions in often in order to mitigate this discomfort. Hopefully the relationship that the client and I forge can help in this process. In this way, my client is not alone. And we can strive to find the real solutions to what causes distress in his or her life.
There is a solution center on my computer that pops up to offer solutions to problems that occur with the computer. More often than not, the solutions center doesn’t have any solutions. Nevertheless, it is always fascinating to me that the Microsoft inventors came up with this tool. And it reminds me of just how solutions focused we are as a society.
We start inculcating this focus from a small age. We are challenged to discover the solution to the problem of 2 plus 2. And indeed there is and it is helpful and empowering to know that answer. Throughout our lives we search for solutions to problems: Our development can be charted by observing the solutions that we come up with.
And of course, people come into psychotherapy seeking solutions. A person contending with a pernicious addiction causing havoc in his life seeks a real solution to his troubling and difficult to control compulsive behavior. Someone mired in an unsatisfactory and stifling relationship seeks a solution. There are even branches of contemporary psychotherapy practice that are called “solution focused.” Such approaches do what their name suggests: focus on the solutions and don’t tend to pay much attention to the problems and their origins.
And while all psychotherapy holds the value and importance of solutions, I believe is that there is value in not rushing so quickly after solutions. Spending some time living with the problems, understanding them, may best help in deriving needed and lasting solutions.
What we often find in psychotherapy that it is the solutions that people have devised for themselves that cause more problems than the original problems. Isolation may be a “solution” that a person with a troubling past has devised in order to prevent difficult feelings and experiences that arise when dealing with others. Acting out by having an affair may be a “solution” that someone came up with in order to deal with problems in a marriage. Addiction may be someone’s solution to troubling feelings; by distracting himself through his addictive behavior, by numbing himself, he doesn’t have to feel what is so troubling.
So often in my practice, my clients and I have to take a closer look at the “solutions” they have developed, often over a very long time. Sometimes we find that these solutions persist well after the problem has in fact ceased. When people carry some of their “solutions” from childhood into their adulthood, they are often acting as if that original problem (say neglectful parents or overly stern caregivers) still exists.
Sometimes, I find, it is best to stay with the problem for a while and be less solution focused. In this way a client can come to better understand the problem and see what solutions are really called for. Of course, this type of work is difficult and can often be quite uncomfortable. We seek solutions in often in order to mitigate this discomfort. Hopefully the relationship that the client and I forge can help in this process. In this way, my client is not alone. And we can strive to find the real solutions to what causes distress in his or her life.
Comments are closed.