There is a solution center on my computer that pops up to offer solutions to problems that occur with the computer. More often than not, the solutions center doesn’t have any solutions. Nevertheless, it is always fascinating to me that the Microsoft inventors came up with this tool. And it reminds me of just how […]

It is my view that psychotherapy is fundamentally about the search for meaning. There are some qualities of human experience that truly define us, that make us human. We are inherently social creatures – we live and grow among others and our growth throughout the lifespan is contingent on human interaction. Our intelligence, the size […]

April 04, 2011 My clients, particularly the couples I work with, are often surprised when I speak about the Golden Rule. I will often say – with apologies to anyone whose religious convictions may be upset by what I am about to say – that it is not living according to the Golden Rule that […]

The other day a client of mine was talking about how she wants to be loved in the manner that she wants to be loved. At first hearing this statement, it seemed so straight forward and simple. However, as she and I spoke, we saw what was implicit in the statement and what caused her […]

One of my most beloved of teachers during my training had a saying that has stayed with me throughout the years. He used to talk about how, in terms of human interactions, the problem wasn’t what he called “getting into trouble.” The problem was more how “to get out of trouble.” What my teacher was […]

Choice has always been a particularly appealing idea to me. Having grown up during the contemporary Feminist movement, with its emphasis on choice in terms of reproduction, the idea of choice was woven into my various beliefs. The importance of choice; the freedom to choose is woven into our country’s political fiber. And these days, […]

The other day a client was talking to me about what he said to a friend in response to questions about why he is in therapy. Apparently his friend was expressing a suspicious or disapproving tone. The friend had indicated that he would never go to a therapist; that he takes care of his own […]

It’s been quite a while since I wrote in this blog. A new year’s resolution for 2011 for me will be to keep more current with this writing. For now, given that it is the end of the year, it seems a good time for reflection. And appreciation. There is so much to be grateful […]

Psychotherapy is about forming a relationship. And relationships are about growth and ways that we find and know ourselves. We are relational creatures. From our earliest days through our development, we relate to others. As infants we owe our existence to the interaction with caretakers. And while our physical dependency shifts as we mature and […]

Many clients who come into therapy arrive with a kind of self-sufficiency and denial of having any needs requiring others to meet. These people have made a life of providing for themselves or often being responsible for the needs of others. Sometimes they recall consciously making the decision “I won’t rely on anyone for anything.” […]